So before I had kids I was convinced that I know it all. I studied psychology for 5 years, I got a masteres degree, and so I should be just fine right? Well, wrong. It didn’t help me with baby not latching correctly, nor with a month of my baby having colics. It didn’t help me with toddler tantrums when they first appeared, and it didn’t help me with my babies not sleeping through the night. But that’s good. Because nobody can be really prepared for this parenting thing. We can know “stuff” but the essential comes along the way. It’s humbling, but also refreshing, because it means that there’s no one-right-way and we are all doing the best we can.
Though it doesn’t mean we can’t improve. Kids are little humans that’ll grow in to adults shaping our society, so it is important that we raise them with that in mind.
And here’s where a common misconception happens. Parents wanting the best for their kids future, will subscribe them to extracurricular activities starting at a very young age. They’ll subscribe them not to just one, but sometimes even three or four. They’ll drive them around from one sport to another. And then invest in educational toys.
But the very first need of little humans is growing the roots of belonging. That’s what we call attachment. The love between the caregiver and child, the trust and the connection. This is the base. And from this base our little humans can grow and develop.
So sacrificing this time for plenty of activities and a week composed of endless car drives might in the end result in adults not knowing where they belong, anxious and disconnected.
So what is the right way? I don’t think there’s one, but I think we should always ask ourselves if we’re responding to our kids primary needs: food and clothing are obvious, but attachment, the sense of belonging are nonetheless important. Because what good will the good grades, knowledge of languages and sports do, if they’ll end up disconnected and distanced?
There’s so many parenting advices out there, but most of them will come down to one simple thing: time and love. Love and time. Simple as that.
So keep on doing what you’re doing momma, just don’t let yourself get convinced that your child needs to do more, and have more. Because as long as you’re responding to their real needs, as long as you’re simply giving them your time and showing your love, it’s all good!