I am a mom. And I get anxious because of my kids. I am an anxious mom.
I used to be careless and positive thinking. I used to believe that it’s going to be all good. Not any more.
If my kids are calm and sound asleep I need to check if they are breathing right.( yes they are). If they cry I worry that they suffer (probably not) or are deeply unhappy (most probably sad or uncomfortable but not deeply unhappy).
If they’ll wake up in the middle of the night crying, I run to see them worried that they might feel abandoned if I won’t came.
I worry about there health (without a reason). I worry about there safety. I imagine pedophiles, car accidents, kidnappers and deadly viruses. I read about these terrible things happening to other people kids, and then I can’t sleep. I get anxious.
But there are also every day issues that make me an anxious mom.
Just the other day my daughter came back from daycare with a runny nose. Again. And my baby started to have a runny nose. Again. And then I started to worry that they’ll both get ear infection. Again.
And soon I’ll be taking a flight with my baby, leaving my three year old with my hubby at home for a couple of days. Do I have to explain how many times I already imagined the plane crushing, leaving my daughter an orphan without a mom? Too many times, to tell you the truth. Way to many.
So now I’m asking myself, how do I deal with this? Do I want to live my life as an anxious mom? Do I want to worry all the time for no particular reason? Obviously I can’t stop my kids from living there life, only because I’m scared. It would be really owfull if I would. If I’d decided that they won’t ever go on a sleep over, because I’m scared of pedophiles. If we’d stop traveling because I’m imagining a plane crush.
And if I’d make them believe that a world is a dangerous place and that they should never trust any stranger then they might never get kidnaped, but they might never fall in love neither. If they see me scared because of them, they’ll believe that they too should be scared. And I don’t want my kids to be scared of living there lives.
So I’m trying to imagine positive scenarios. I stopped reading about child abuse. I breathe.
I’d love to say that I do yoga, but I don’t. I’m to busy
lazy and I eat chocolate instead,which works just fine for me ;).
Honestly I think that anxiety is a part of being a parent, a price that we pay for loving someone so deeply. Also it’s biologics way of making sure that we’ll take care of our offspring. So I don’t think I’ll ever totally stop being an anxious mom. But I’m trying to stay rational and not get overwhelmed by my fears. I don’t want anything bad happening to my kids, but it would be terrible and heart braking if they wouldn’t live anything worth living because of my fears.
And you, are you an anxious parent? How do you deal with it?